Bookseller By Night.

Friday started off slow. I spent the morning working in my room, and so didn't get out to attend any official programming until Patrick O'Leary's 11:30 a.m. reading. Patrick always give good reading. At the World Fantasy Convention in Saratoga Springs last year, he read a piece which will appear in Pete Crowther's upcoming anthology I Think Therefore I Am, and if Patrick's moving story is any indication, it will be a great book. This time, he read a story titled "The Little Guy," which inexplicably has yet to find a market. The sad, funny tale tells the true story of why the Decider-in-Chief's IQ seems to have fallen year after year after year, and stars Dick Cheney and an alien who speaks with an Irish brogue. He also read a few poems, including one about the woman he was destined to marry, which luckily for him turns out to be the same woman as the woman he is about to marry.

Immediately after that reading, I headed off for my noon kaffeeklatsch. I shared a table with Mary Robinette Kowal, someone whom over the years I'd managed never to meet before. (See, Karen, I don't know everyone.) Over the course of an hour together, we talked (along with others who came to listen, urge on, and cajole) of the first female archaeologist, of her puppeteering background, and many other topics. And though Mary did not demonstrate those puppetry skills for us, she did perform the magic trick she learned during her brief career as a singing waitress fairy in a Christmas show aboard a cruise ship. That's a picture of us below, snapped before our event began and I learned how interesting she was.



As soon as the kaffeeklatsch was over, I rushed to a reading given by Jeffrey Ford, one of my favorite writers, and luckily one of my favorite readers as well. He orates with a booming voice and a wry tone, and he's always entertaining. In his half-hour slot, he read his surreal story "The Dream of Reason," which will be forthcoming in an Ellen Datlow anthology the name of which he couldn't recall. I'm glad he's so popular that the titles of his outlets blur together.

I'll relate more of yesterday's busy doings a little later, as soon as I've gotten a little more work done, but to keep you busy in the meantime, here are further photos from the con.

...to all the new folk on the f-list. You are very welcome to introduce yourselves, or simply to lurk, as you wish.

Not a lot of writing has got done, in the absence of the laptop, but I've been catching up with some reading, namely Philip Ball's biography of Paracelsus, The Devil's Doctor. Fascinating for anyone who is interested in alchemy (or early mining technology, come to that). I've also been re-reading a bio of Culpepper.

We're nearly there with the re-organisation of the shops. Witchcraft Ltd is now more or less an apothecary's- we've got a stack of jars in there and a herbalist on the premises part time. People used to say that it looked like something out of Diagon Alley, but now it really does. Things are generally going well, although the credit crunch has been notable in town and indeed, throughout the country. We're being cautious. Culpepper had similar problems, I note. But the mood in town is positive, with all (well, most) of the businesses pulling together, exchanging information and undertaking some joint projects And the place looks fantastic - the hanging baskets this year are glorious and the town is filled with flowers. I haven't said much about the Chamber of Commerce here, but this is going well: we have a new office and some funding projects coming up.

http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=6157

• so tired cannot see hate everything going to pub #


• And Now A Message from FREAKANGELS: http://www.freakangels.com/?p=46 #


• The internets are very quiet today. You are all hiding from me. I can tell. Perverts. #


• Of course, with such quiet, I can just turn off the net and have a nap. (Finally cleared the last of the lungplague, but it left me tired) #


• Slept. Still tired. On the other hand, I’m still not going to San Diego next week. Ha ha ha hahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAA cough #


• Love opening Twitter to see all my comics-making friends working themselves to death. Makes me feel better about working myself to death. #


• @BrianReed there are Marvel people on Twitter? Quick, stamp on them before they breed! #


• Obama would amuse me if he pointed out that the commander in chief probably shouldn’t be the guy who let himself get caught by the enemy. #


• “My war expertise is eating rats & getting cornholed by water snakes in a flooded paddy field for five years, but here’s the plan, boys…” #


• And yes, @dogsoldier , hope is not a plan — but it sure seems to bring the cash in, don’t it? #


• @bremxjones How can you put your penis in someone who doesn’t hate Kula Shaker? That’s like fucking a Nazi. #

So ... am still sick. At least the pain that requires popping panadol every four hours has meant I think I am not running a fever anymore.

( cut for too much information )

Apparently, this is my punishment for dehydrating in the final days of Istanbul because I didn't trust the water and on the plane because I didn't want to go to the plane bathroom. Yes. *NOW* I see the error in my ways. *sniff* But does it have to hurt *so much*?

I have years of marvelous stories from talented writers. Which stories go into this book and which do not? So many to choose from! It's an embarrassment of riches.

As I work on the preliminary TOC one thing is becoming clear.

This will be "The Best of Abyss & Apex: Volume One."

Doctor Horrible concludes. Available until June 20th.

I was considering getting the DVD. Now...forget it.

In case you have been living under a rock, Joss Whedon is offering up Dr Horrible's Sing-along-Blog for free download till tomorrow.



See you in the Aftermath!!!

http://www.drhorrible.com

(I have a PhD in Horribleness)


(Explanation of the whole shebang - as usual, it's totally up my alley! http://www.drhorrible.com/plan.html)

Yes, mentions, plural :) Both "Mercytanks" and "The Last Stand of the Elephant Man" got them. Huzzah! They mark my first appearance in the SF honorable mentions section.

And I also got a mention in the intro...kinda:

"...and [Magazine that shall not be named] had another strong year, publishing good work by Robert Reed, John Barnes, Jennifer Pellard..."

*sigh*

Thankfully, if you Google "Jennifer Pellard" the top hit is an LJ entry by me bitching about how people sometimes misspell my name that way.

Congrats to everyone else in the honorable mentions, and special congrats to current and former members of my writing group Yoon Ha Lee and Margaret Ronald

I'm continually bemused by the amount of people who friend me and actually stick around. I see comments from people who I don't know, and who haven't commented before or in a long time and it kicks the curiosity up another notch.

So why are you here? Almost everyone has been here a month or more, and I'm kinda curious as to how you got here and what you find among my blitherings interesting enough to keep you waylaying electrons to bring you my mutterings.

Tell!!

Well the kaffeeklatsch went well. I was with Scott Edelman, who was delightful. We had a nice group of people visiting with us. Whose names I remembered earlier, but my brain is a sieve now.

The Tabula Rasa reading also went well. I only stumbled once, ironically not in one of the place where I rewrote as I was reading.

… I just realized that I’m only going to say that things were good because I’m too sleepy to offer critical commentary.

I somehow wound up on the nursery train on the way up. There were fifteen children, though I didn’t realize this until enduring most of the trip with occasional outbursts. I suspect that on the whole each child was well-behaved and only cried once but the cumulative effect was of a constant stream of cries. They seemed to know when I was about to drop off into slumber and target their cry then.

This is the third time I’ve come to Readercon sleep-deprived and I’m coming to think that it must just be the way the con is supposed to be for me.

Comments? -- Link

1) I'm not moving to Minnesota. The company can screw me, repeatedly, and because of my....interesting...temperament, I'll get over it. However, once they start messing with Adam, I get angry. You need me, bitches, not the other way around. I'm intimidated by the idea of being unemployed, but today was the VP's last day and he specifically sought me out to tell me he's going to look me up once he's in a new role if he thinks there's something that would fit my skillset. May not work out, but it was gratifying to hear nonetheless.
That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

2) Speaking of which, while I haven't received my 60 day notice yet, my last day is going to be October 24th - the day I fly down to Disneyworld for my 5th anniversary. I think this is a good omen somehow.

3) My brother got engaged over the weekend. I'm very proud of him and it was very sweet - and sentimental for me because he proposed at my grandparent's house, where he and I spent a lot of time together with my grandparents growing up (and where he and his fiance live with my grandfather). I wish Adam got along better with my brother - he holds grudges longer than anyone I know, even if they are with good reason - but I was still glad I got to share in the moment. (Jeremy proposed at his fiance's son's 5th birthday party, so all of her family and mine were there - it was nice.)

4) Dragoncon is making me irritated and I don't want to go, but I already paid for plane tickets. Wonder if I could convince Adam to go somewhere else instead (New Orleans, maybe???) They got rid of the filking track for some unknown reason, and they're just so huge that it's tough to have fun anymore. I know that sounds odd,, but not only are they spoiling other conventions for me because everyone does things bigger and better - but it's also getting boring and politicized itself. Perhaps I'll take a few years off Disney and Ad can take a few years off dragon*con and we can go somewhere nw and exciting instead.

5) Dark Knight was one of the most intense movies I have ever seen - there was no downtime. I wouldn't say it's my favorite movie of all time, but it was very, very good.

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

I applied the first coat of paint to the ceiling of one of my renovated rooms. I did the ceiling above the ceiling fan by hand, and did the rest with a roller. During this second stage, I ran the ceiling fan to help cool down the room.

My hand went a bit too close and BAM: now there's a purple mark under my left thumbnail and it frickin' HERTZ.

I can be such an idiot sometimes.

Many people on my friends list have linked to the above, but I wanted to make sure I mentioned it as well, in case y'all haven't heard.

Joss Whedon, the creative genius behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and the upcoming Dollhouse, has released Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, a three-part musical miniseries that is available to view free in streaming format this week only; afterward, it can be downloaded from iTunes, but at a cost of US$1.99 per episode.

Created during the writer's strike, Dr. Horrible is about an insecure mad scientist (Neil Patrick Harris) who is constantly being foiled by his nemesis, the smarmy Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion). Complicating things is the crush that Dr. Horrible (in his alter ego as Billy) has on laundromat-buddy Penny (Felicia Day), who is "saved" by Captain Hammer during the first episode and decides to date the do-gooder.

Full of Whedon's trademark humour, and subversion of character roles (with the "bad guy" as the more sympathethic, and the "good guy" being kind of a dick), the miniseries is pretty great so far (Act I is a bit slow, but stick with it); each episode is about 13 minutes long, and the first two acts have already been uploaded. Once the third act is posted on Saturday night, the streaming will only be available until Sunday at midnight, after which the episodes will disappear (although you'll still be able to download them).

If you enjoyed the Buffy episode "Once More, With Feeling" (as I did), you'll love Dr. Horrible to pieces. Be sure to check it out while it's still free.

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

I missed the premiere of Stargate Atlantis last week while we were at Shore Leave -- I forgot to set the DVR -- but I saw "The Seed" tonight, and wow did that suck the wet farts out of dead pigeons. You know you're in trouble when you're ripping off bad TNG episodes (in this case "Emergence"). One cliché after another, and suddenly Woolsey's all by the book? Part of the appeal of Woolsey as a character, as he developed on both SG1 and Atlantis, is that he was more than Just Another Bureaucrat. Heck, he helped bring Kinsey down.

terri_osborne's comment was apt: They've got a Voyager regular in the opening credits, so they're writing at that level. Yeesh.

Good Evening,

The Author's Guild has released an advisory to its members that I wanted to share in part here.

"Simon & Schuster has recently sent a one-page letter to many, perhaps thousands, of authors with unspecified e-book royalty rates in an attempt to set those rates at 15% of the "catalog retail price" of the e-book. (This is the typical e-book royalty rate for S&S.)"

The amendment may impact reversion of rights, as well as other areas, and is obviously something to review carefully with your agent or attorney.

Please visit http://www.authorsguild.org/advocacy/articles/simon--schuster-e-book.html for more information.

Thank you,

Russell Davis

Ellen Denham had a nice example to work with It shows:
Laziness: Dear Agent or Editor: (I know I'm one of the two, but does this fictitious waster of time know which, and what my name might be?

Vagueness: I'm enclosing the first 500 pages of book one, in which the amazing story begins to unfold. I'm in the middle of book two now but I already know how book 3 will end. Lots of writers don't know anything about what they write about, but I've been an avid fisherman for years, so I thought this was a natural subject for a trilogy. Of course, my fish live on another planet and fight evil monsters, so it's much more exiting that way. People will be amazed when they read it. ( Notice the lack of anything about the crucial characters, plot, or how it is resolved. )

A lack of understanding for how the industry works:
Please call me as soon as you get this so I know it got there. I really look forward to working together. Of course, if you want something changed in the trilogy I'll be glad to think about it. I'm flexible. If you don't have time to look at it, I hope you will send it to another agent or editor that might like it.
(One can either spend two hours a day letting people know their baby has arrived safely, or actually be productive.)

And more laziness and probably poor command of the written word:
Call me write away. (no further comments)


Amandatkd had another one that is inspired.
This letter displays:
This paragraph is a work of art:
(WiM explains not only what the human condition really is but why. Set in the future five thousand years from now, it's a mixture of Tolkien, David Webber and Dan Brown. Cool, huh? What more could you want but elves, exploding spaceships and religious conspiracy theories and truths?) It displays gross arrogance, delusions of competence and a wonderful ability to attempt to combine widely divergent styles that would probably make someone who actually tried to read something like this throw up.

This one:
(I'm offering you first crack at this masterpiece before I ship it off to other agents. Three days should be more than long enough for you to realize what a find this is. You can read a sample and see the artwork my little brother Shemp has down to accompany it at the following website: www.imafool.con or the companion site, www.youareafoolforlooking.com) Takes the assumption that bribes will work. And adds in more work for the agent!

Archangelbeth too does fun things:

This piece:
( Dear Ms. Hawke,

I am twenty-seven years old and I have always wanted to write a book. Now that I have disvoverd your wonderful blog, I have been inspired. I have the outlines for a five book trilogy, spanning twohundred years of a star-spanning empire's death throws, from the last True Queen to her illegitimate grandson who will lead his people from the ashes of their former empire to a new world and civilization, with the help of energy beings who make stargates.)
Misidentifies the gender of the agent. Continues by showing only a loose ability to count or spell, and is states enough about the ambition of the book to make most agents turn it down here.

Tcastelb fortunately writes better cover letters in real life:
The greeting is classicly bad:
( Dear Mr. Jennifer Jakson,

i have this awesome idea for a kid's book. i sent you the whole thing even if it isn't done yet. Kids--and kids at heart--are going to love it. My dog Squeaky inspired this story. He (not Squeaky, the dog in the story) gets adopted by a kid named Jimmy that doesn't want a dog and Jimmy keeps getting in trouble and the dog, which is a very pretty collie (Squeaky's not, Squeaky is a chiwawa) saves the kid from all kinds of trouble. Jimmy falls into a well (this takes place out in the country because i think kids should understand nature more) and the dog, whose name is Laddie, goes for help. It's all real exciting and Laddie almost dies. Jimmy loves him a lot after that and everyone is happy.)

It confuses gender and agent showing a wonderful attention to detail. Then we see blatant ripoffs of Lassie with a thin coat of (clear) nail polish on the serial numbers. And one can not overlook the ability of the paragraph to stay on topic. Since all if you have I'm sure read my submission guidelines you'll know that this person is not only sending something I don't represent, but sending me something that isn't complete.

This bit shows a clear distance between the writer and reality as well:
( And i'm warning you now, if you tell me no i'm going to send Squeaky to you via FedEx and he's going to rip your office to shreds to teach you a lesson. And that's after i put a curse on you. i watched Bedknobs and Broomsticks a lot and i learned all kinds of spells from it so you better watch out or i'll turn you into a rabbit.)


Zurzip's entry:

( I've written a really great book that I really hope you'll take a look at. I know you said that you want it as an attachment, but I couldn't get that to work in my e-mail, and I figured it would be just as easy to scroll down (even if the formatting is kind of weird, I couldn't get it to work. It's right in the document though!). Anyway, what's one little scroll down - so easy, you might as well read it and skip the letter! ;P )
This one says the writer is ignoring the rules out of laziness, and resorts to emoticons over ya know using words. Always a plus for a writers.

cedunkley
Wrote something that could be some of the stuff I get in my contact form a couple times a month. Paranoia, shaky grasp of reality and of course the not so subtleties of publishing. ( I've written the first book of a multi-volume epic fantasy and would eagerly like to submit it to you. I've read your livejournal and feel you would be perfect to represent my work. The nearly completed first novel comes in at slightly over 500,000 words. I'd like to tell you what my novel is about but first I have attached a legal document for you to sign and return to me guaranteeing my idea will not be stolen while in your agency's possession. )

More to come tomorrow, and of course the winner. Eventually.

That if I tell myself I'm going to write three hours a day (and that's not checking email, or blogging, or getting up, or anything, just writing), I write three hours a day.

How come that doesn't work with diets?